Archives for 2004

When Parents Need Help

Elizabeth and her husband, George, intended to spend the next twenty years overseas when they left their home country. They have served overseas for five years. They love their work, and with three small children they have their hands full. After an email and follow-up phone call they are having to re-evaluate their plans. Elizabeth’s father has been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s. His job is threatened, but for now her mom can continue to support the family.

Sally and Ben are long-timers overseas. They raised their children on the field, and as empty-nesters, they now look forward to some years with fewer family responsibilities. That changed suddenly when Ben’s mother fell and broke her hip. His mother has been a widow living on her on for a few years. What are they to do?

Why talk about aging parents with those who are living and working overseas? Because either now, or in the future, you may have to help care for your own elderly relatives, and that will influence what you can and cannot do overseas.

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Adult – ADD

Belongings

I Feel Like Quitting

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Am I really a PW? I am only doing what wives and mothers back home are doing? If I am not “out there” working, I’m not really worthy to be called a PW. I’m a failure if I can’t learn the language well. A “real” PW wouldn’t be crying over bugs in the rice, mildew in my shoes, and having to cut my own hair.

These are distortions we have all heard in our heads from time to time. They are usually triggered by a bad day or a long series of bad days. They are the ones that bubble up from some ache deep inside and are blown all out of proportion the longer we think about them. They are a slippery slope to depression.

Some of these were the very reason Peter’s Wife was first started. Twenty years ago PWs coming from nearby countries to renew their visas would stop by and visit or stay with us for a few days. The husbands would visit with my husband in the living room. They would excitedly tell of all the wonderful results for their work. Their wives, on the other hand, would be with me in the kitchen crying because they hadn’t been able to learn the language, home schooling was not going well and the ants were taking over their kitchen. Peter’s Wife began as a way to connect these women with others in similar situations. It helps so much to know we are not alone.

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Challenges of Single Women

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Allyson shared the results of her survey of single women(SW) serving or preparing to serve overseas. Many who read Peter’s Wife could benefit from these insights. The largest group are the wives and mothers who are serving overseas with SW on their team. They can probably do the most to help SW with their particular struggles. Agency directors may not be aware of some of the special stresses single women on the field face and what they could do to help. And finally there are some from home churches who could do much to help SW serving overseas.

Many of the problems that the SW mentioned are common to anyone serving outside their culture. The lack of communication with people at home, the glazed over looks when we share our stories, the expectation that those serving overseas need much less money to live on and really should live on a lower standard than others, and the fear of loss of support when we are “out of sight.”

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