tension – Page 2

Trapped in the ruble from the World Trade Center was Police Sargent, John McLoughlin. Under slabs of concrete and metal, fighting the hopelessness of his plight, he determined to stay awake. At one point, he was imagining a conversation with his wife. He asked, “What went wrong with us?” She answered, “I think we stopped seeing each other.”

This scene, from the movie World Trade Center, has played over and over in my mind in the last week or so. How many couples could say the same thing? The huge events did not cause their marriage to be in trouble. It was slow erosion over many years. PWs are not immune. Taking a few minutes to evaluate and making slight adjustments now may keep us from ever having to admit our marriage has failed.

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Have you ever felt like a tea kettle building steam, about to blow its whistle? Pressure adds up gradually, then blows suddenly. The expectations of others and our own expectations from within begin the process. People who depend on us and promises we’ve made add stress. Then just when we think things are under control, the unexpected happens. Add to this any illness or sleepless nights and we become brittle.

Living cross culturally adds to normal tension. Trying to make ourselves understood and understanding others is stressful. Climate, traffic, and a different work load take their toll. Social norms that are vastly different from where we grew up means a lot of re-evaluation for every decision. And there are a million decisions! With a lack of support systems, it is a wonder any of us function normally.

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Marriage Erosion

Stress and a Friend