relationships – Page 3

ABCs of Communication

Communication in marriage requires work. It takes time and effort to keep it healthy. Living and working cross culturally can add to the difficulties of communication with our husband. His work may involve hours of struggling to listen to people with deep needs. He’s worn out with listening by the end of the day.

We, on the other hand, may feel we are using every bit of our emotional reserves to deal with a life that seems totally foreign and unintelligible. The demands of keeping our children safe, our house clean, and food on the table don’t leave time and energy to listen to our husband’s plans for a future project or his thinking process in preparing his next sermon.

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The Vitality Assessment

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Let’s take a moment to think about Elijah, the mighty prophet of God. He had just participated in what sports announcers would call a rout! The false God, Baal, was no match for the Living God, Yahweh. As God’s chosen representative, Elijah was overpowering. After that victory, he should have been so up, but he was so down. When threatened by Jezebel, he ran like a scared rabbit. He even left his close companion behind, found a convenient tree, fell to the ground, and asked God to let him die.

You may hesitate to compare yourself to Elijah. I would. But the Bible says he was a man with the same experience that all of us have. In other words, completely human. Working cross culturally, we see victories that we can never fully describe to those back home. Then something happens that threatens us (it doesn’t even have to be a very big something) and we cave in.

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First Year

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What makes the first year on the field so tough? Here are some answers from those who have been there and helped others through that time.

Some things that happen before you go to the field make a difference about how difficult that first year will be. A one month field trip is invaluable. Lea says, “This sounds like expensive advice but I have found out through lots of experience working with PWs that it is one of the best investments anyone can make. This month long visit not only helps prepare a person for what to bring when they come out but also opens their eyes to a few of the difficulties they may face overseas. ”

Developing a close relationship that you can continue through email would be a lifesaver. We all need someone we can confide in and having someone not related to our board or field will give us much needed perspective when we go through rough water. Many of us have found, however, that the “folks back home” cannot relate to our field experience, so someone who has lived overseas would be the best type person for a confidante.

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