relationships

The God Who Sees Me

In past issues, we’ve talked about how we see others. But recently I’ve been thinking about how God sees us and our homes.

It all started when I was reading the story of Hagar and Ishmael. Her story is a sad one. She was an innocent victim of Sarai’s misguided attempt to fulfill God’s promise of a son. After Hagar was pregnant, her relationship with Sarai became so bad, she saw no choice but to run away. Pregnant, angry, alone, she did not believe anyone knew about her or cared. Then God’s angel visited her. He told her she had to return and submit to Sarai, and promised her a son who would have descendants too numerous to count. Comforted, and with a promise from God, Hagar called God by a name that clearly described her experience with him: The God Who Sees Me. (Gen. 16:13) For God had seen all of this crazy, mixed up story.

That led me to read Psalm 139 again. It tells us in more detail the ways God sees us. He sees us when we sit and stand. He knows our thoughts and our words before we speak them. He sees us in the best and worst places we go. He sees us as well in darkness as in light. He even saw us being formed in our mother’s womb. You may know all of that, but perhaps this is a good time to focus on those truths again- find freshness in them.

So, how does God see you?

God sees your whole life; past, present and future. Since He sees it all, He is not surprised by events that surprise you. He sees how each part fits into His plan, what He can do with it, and how He will make it all work for your good.

He saw your body being formed in your mom’s womb. He knew the effect those genes and hormones would have on how you grew and how you age. He doesn’t look at us and say, “Oh, my, you’ve gotten quite fat or wrinkled or gray.” As we give our body to Him, He helps us become all we should be. He helps us be satisfied with ourselves. He gives us strength every day for that day’s needs. He sees you as you are and loves you.

He sees your thoughts and feelings. He sees when you are irritated or afraid or tired. He sees when you struggle with anger, and calms you if turn to Him. He provides a way of escape from your temptations. He sees you turn your thoughts away from the world’s way of thinking and He is pleased. As you spend time in His Word and with Him, even your thoughts are more in tune with Him.

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What We Have Learned

This month I wanted to do something different. My husband and I came up with the following list of things we have learned. Some are from our time in Africa and SE Asia, some are from our family, and some are general lessons we’ve learned. Enjoy reading our list. I’m sure you have your own list of lessons you’ve learned.

We have learned that homesickness will go away if you don’t entertain it.
We have learned that most people will love you if you let them.
We have learned that soup can be spicy without being red.
We have learned that Korean candy doesn’t taste half as good as it looks.
We have learned that marriage is like a garden. It flourishes if you take care of it and dies if you don’t.
We have learned that a good cup of hot tea is better therapy than two hours with any psychiatrist. The same is true of sunrises, sunsets, cool breezes and true friends.
We have learned that when your wife is better than you at details, it’s better to let her do them.
We have learned that when your husband is better at directions, it’s better to go the way he says.
We have learned that American saltine crackers are poor, wimpy imitations of British cream crackers.
We have learned that most mistakes are not fatal if you are honest about them.
We have learned that if you take the time, the classics are really worth it.
We have learned that Bach is better brain food than rock.
We have learned that the gift of a teddy bear can make a grown woman smile.
We have learned that it is useless to choose an airline on the basis of the food they serve. It’s all the brown stuff or the white stuff and rubber omelets.
We have learned that PMS is neither permanent nor fatal. It just seems like it at the time.
We have learned that America is not the center of the world, that other cultures have riches to bestow on us and that God’s love looks great on any face.
We have learned that in the tropics you choose your seat by its proximity to the fan.
We have learned that when they tell you not to drink the water, they really mean it.
We have learned that the good relationships grow richer with time, like vegetable soup simmering slowly.
We have learned that good friendship can instantly pick up where it left off, like a CD when you push the play button.
We have learned that rest is neither sin nor weakness, but a God-created necessity.
We have learned that durian (an Asian fruit) and blue cheese have this in common, they both smell bad to those who don’t like them and great to those who do. The same with people.
We have learned that it is best to cross the street the way the locals do. They know which way to look, when to wait, and when you better go.
We have learned that wilderness companions are seldom who you expected.

A Daughter and Her Dad

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This month I want to share something very personal, but I hope you will see things in my story that touch your heart. While on a two month home visit, we flew to Oklahoma City to spend a week with my dad, step-mom, and extended family. On the weekend we had a family reunion. We gathered at two log cabins near a beautiful lake. It was a four hour drive for the closest ones, and flights from as far away as Arizona and Virginia for others. Family gatherings are sometimes bittersweet, like a chocolate bar. For all the sweetness, there’s always a few nuts; in all the sweetness just a tinge of the bitter as well.

Actually no reunion was planned for this year. But after my Dad had a small heart attack (if any heart attack can be called small) in August, plans were quickly made for this reunion.

Although Dad was dealing with dizzy spells, he thoroughly enjoyed seeing his children, grand-children and great-grand-children together. The almost constant smile on his face was worth all the work, travel, and expense involved.

Two days after the reunion, while I was sitting at the table talking to Dad and my step-mom, Judy, my Dad suddenly slumped forward. His color went gray, and he was not breathing. I helped him straighten up and shouted, “Breathe, Dad, breathe!” My husband called 911 and my step-mom prayed. He became alert enough to ask for his nitroglycerin. The EMTs arrived , stabilized him and transported him, siren blaring and lights flashing, to the hospital.

By the time we arrived at the ER, Dad was sitting up on the gurney with oxygen, IV, and numerous sensors taped to his body. But the most notable thing was his smile. My dear Dad was smiling! After multiple tests they decided to keep him overnight for observation. He was discharged the next evening.

The doctor had told us his heart was quite compromised and there really was not anything to do but learn to live with it. He gave him medicine for a bladder infection, promised physical therapy at home to help him regain strength, and made an appointment for follow-up with his cardiologist.

That night, as I said goodnight to Dad, we hugged and kissed. I told him I had been really frightened when he was not breathing and thought he might be on his way to heaven. I said I was not shouting to him to breathe because I had anything I needed to say to him or needed to hear from him. I just didn’t want to lose him. Wonderfully, I could look him in the eyes and see only love. I told him I felt no shame or remorse for anything that ever happened between us. Only love.

He answered that he loves me and knows I love him. He doesn’t have any unfinished business with me either. We just enjoyed a lingering hug and thankful hearts for God’s grace and mercy.

My Dad has such a big, generous heart. He was weakened by the earlier heart attack, is getting hard of hearing, has returning cataracts, and painful feet, but he never complains. He unselfishly helps my step-mom who deals with the effects of Parkinson’s. He only finds good and kind things to say. He never fails to give God the credit for everything. He trusts God and gently points everyone around him to his best Friend. What a treasure God has put in that clay jar.

The next day we had to fly back to Virginia. Almost the whole trip home, silent tears rolled down my cheeks. I thought that would be the last time I would see my dad alive in this life.

None of us know when will be the last time we see our loved ones. We pray for our unsaved loved ones, and truly pray that each time we see them won’t be our last. But for those who love Jesus, like my Dad, we do not have to grieve as those who have no hope. We will cry when our loved ones go home, but we don’t have to have hearts heavy with things unsaid.

I wonder if there is anyone in your family – a dad or mom, a son or daughter, anyone- who you might want to contact right now, wherever you are. Perhaps it has been too long. Perhaps there is something that needs a loving resolution. As a man said in one of my husband’s seminars, tell them you love them and appreciate them while you have them with you. The day will come when you wish you had, and they will be gone.

You know what? My dad has made a miraculous turn around. His heart is fine in every way. His dizziness is gone, and we are all rejoicing. But if he had taken his final journey, I know that all is well with us. My dear readers, I pray you can say the same.

A Woman Other Women Trust

TCK Friendships

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As you may know, our two sons grew up, for more than half their childhood years, outside their home country. That makes them Third Culture Kids, or TCKs. Recently I have been thinking about how our sons react to their world. I wondered how much their experience as Third Culture Kids actually affects them today, now that they are adults. I was especially interested in how TCKs make friends, and how their experience differs from others in that area.

For a refresher, I looked at David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken’s textbook called, Third Culture Kids. The chapter on Relational Patterns discusses how Third Culture Kids (TCKs) make friendships and how that affects them later in life.

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