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Expectations and Burnout

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Sue Eenigenburg & Robynn Bliss introduce a new resource for Women in Cross-Cultural Ministry, their new book, Expectations and Burnout: Women Surviving the Great Commission.

Everyone has expectations. Women in cross-cultural ministry are no exception. They usually go overseas with extremely high, if not unrealistic, expectations of themselves. Using data from surveys and research to form the basis for the book, Sue and Robynn not only explore expectations women workers might have of themselves, but also expectations they might have of their agencies, sending churches, co-workers, host culture and God.

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There’s Always Hope

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“No hope!” That’s what the report stated so authoritatively. A young mother, tears in her eyes and a catch in her voice, handed me the educational psychologist’s report. In her heart she can’t believe her bright-eyed, healthy looking eight year old cannot learn.

“With God there’s always hope,” I answered.

A smile flicked across her face as she said, “Do you really believe that?”

Our world is no longer like the old song where “. . . seldom is heard a discouraging word.” The newspaper overflows with depressing articles. The economy never seems to have an up-swing and election campaigning becomes more negative everyday. The world is only expressing what’s in their hearts, for they are “without hope and without God in this world.” (Eph. 2: 11-12)

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Stress and a Friend

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Have you ever felt like a tea kettle building steam, about to blow its whistle? Pressure adds up gradually, then blows suddenly. The expectations of others and our own expectations from within begin the process. People who depend on us and promises we’ve made add stress. Then just when we think things are under control, the unexpected happens. Add to this any illness or sleepless nights and we become brittle.

Living cross culturally adds to normal tension. Trying to make ourselves understood and understanding others is stressful. Climate, traffic, and a different work load take their toll. Social norms that are vastly different from where we grew up means a lot of re-evaluation for every decision. And there are a million decisions! With a lack of support systems, it is a wonder any of us function normally.

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An Inheritance

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When I was a young woman, I imagined my life would include a husband, two or three girls, a suburban home, and a white picket fence. When I married my husband, I amended that to having a pastor as a husband, a couple girls, and a series of parsonages throughout our lifetime. By the time our second son was born, I knew I wouldn’t have the girls or the series of parsonages. We had already lived in eight homes and none of them were the traditional parsonage.

During our marriage, we have lived in a total of 21 homes on three continents. Our pastoring expanded from one small congregation to serving in many churches. We’ve stayed in many homes, hotels, and guesthouses.

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The Cross Cultural Fishbowl

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Did you feel like you were living in a fishbowl while you were preparing for overseas service? Your board seemed to look over your shoulder at every move. Potential supporters felt they had the right to know all about your prospective work. Although that was uncomfortable, nothing can really prepare you for the shock of cross cultural fishbowl life.

Now people are curious and seem critical of every aspect of your life. At home you knew what questions people were likely to ask. Overseas you cannot even imagine how they will expect you to think, speak, and act. After 22 years of experience on our field, I am still amazed from time to time by the scrutiny of our lives by the nationals.

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