Some of us have a gift for hospitality and some of us find it hard. But all of us are called on to be hostess to a variety of people. When we live in a foreign culture, hospitality can take on a whole new meaning.
Being ourselves and doing what comes naturally seem to be the keys to being a good hostess, no matter who are our guests. When we are trying to figure out what is “right” or what will look good to them, we are thinking more about ourselves than our guests. When we put their comfort and needs first, our responses will be natural and put them at ease.
All of us have visited homes where the hostess is constantly fretting about whether she got everything dusted or that the kids have gotten toys out since she cleaned the room. We felt uncomfortable and a burden to her. We want our guests to feel relaxed and to be confident they are in good hands.
Lea mentioned that fixing some of our national food for our guests is often appreciated by our guests. When doing this, I’ve found it helpful to know if there are any ingredients in our food that they might find unpleasant.
When I have Chinese guests, I don’t cook with beef or cheese until I find out if they like them. Our Nigerian friends are not used to eating many vegetables, especially uncooked. So for them, I wouldn’t serve a tossed green salad. But most people are delighted to see how you can take the same basic ingredients and make something so different and delicious.
Celeste, who is a South African living and serving in the USA, says she keeps a guest book and guests find it interesting to read who has slept in the same bed as they have. I’ve had some wonderful people stay in my home, I wish I had thought to have a guest book to have a record of all of them.
Sometimes our guests want to help us and we must be able to receive from them too. Years ago one lady and her husband stayed almost a week while ministering in our church. I treated her like a queen and waited on her hand and foot. I was so happy to have her stay in our home and I wanted everything to be perfect. One day I found she had been crying and after some coaxing learned why. She longed for her children and wanted to do anything she could for mine. She liked being a home maker and she wanted to be able to do dishes again or sweep the floor. I had kept her on a pedestal and she wanted to be a friend. I was sorry that I had misread her needs, but I learned a valuable lesson in hospitality.
Bloopers and Surprises
Lea gave a whole new meaning to Rolled Roast with her blooper. She said, “I made a roast one evening for a couple of our leaders. When I took the roast out of the pan and was transferring it from one pan to the next for cutting, it fell and bounced all the way into the living room- right in front of my guests! We all had a good laugh. I then cleaned it off and baked it some more before we ate it.”
I had quite a different surprise for my guests one time. I was entertaining some Americans who were just traveling through Malaysia. While they sat and watched, I was setting the table. When I reached into my cabinet to get a trivet, it just didn’t look like it usually did. Upon closer inspection I realized it was a snake coiled up. With as little flurry as possible, I got a broom and swept it out of the cabinet. I intended to give it a good whack with the broom handle and sweep it up. But with the first whack, juice sprayed everywhere. I was horrified because I thought it was snake “juice”. As it turned out, my broom handle had been in the laundry room and absorbed water from my laundry drain! At least they had a story to take back with them to the US.
This, by no means exhausts our topic, we’ll return to the topic of hospitality again at a later time. Any who want to send in your comments on the topic of hospitality, we will keep those together and use them in a future article.
Luanne says
“We find that people here are more comfortable if we serve their food rather than ours. It pleases them that we know their food and enjoy it, and then they don’t have to worry about what to do if they don’t like it. We find that our people groups are very un-adventursome when it comes to eating! If we serve a dish from our home country, we make it a side dish that they can just taste, or we serve a dessert, which usually is a big hit. Pizza, however, is the exception. It has become familiar and is a special ‘American’ treat.
“Another thought is that we should pay attention to the WAY food is served in our adopted culture and follow that way, so our guests will be comfortable. Faced with strange place settings (teaspoons, napkins, table knives) if they are used to using only a spoon, or fingers or some other combination can make the most familiar food become scary. New table arrangements (chairs arranged around a table, placemats, table clothes, men and women together) can make people very uncomfortable if they are used to dividing by gender,sitting around the room or standing or sitting on the floor. If the choice is between their feeling comfortable or our feeling comfortable, hospitality votes on the side of the guests. This is probably a given, but I thought I would mention it.”
Celeste says
As I work full-time at a ministry, and has a 10 year old still at home, I have found that not “over hosting” makes it work for host and guests. I put out breakfast food and every one eats as they want, and we only have a sit-down dinner together. We share our individual schedules with one another, so there are no “surprises” or unrealisitc expectations.
As I have been a host and guest many times in the past, I try to remember how I felt as a guest: I really get embarrassed when the hosts give up their own bedroom, so will not do it to my guests. When I am a guest I want to feel I contribute something, so when my guest asks if he/she can help, I ask them to strip the bed when they leave, as that will be a help to me! Amazing how that small job seems to make them feel they are assisting.
Our young son loves all the stories different people from various countries share, and as a family we feel enriched. Celeste
Lea says
I’ve learned how important it is to receive all things with thankfulness. When invited, it is very important to accept that invitation and eat what has been prepared – as with women everywhere, the ladies love to be asked to explain how they have made a given dish. Lea
Jacqueline says
People from the western side of Democratic Republic of Congo (I am talking of the Bashi) have a special way of welcoming guests. They would give them unsweetened yogurt and then cook a chicken for them. The unusual thing about the chicken is that they would cook the whole bird, with intestines tied to the feet, and the neck would keep the head and the eyes. I have a special friend I like very much, she is American and we were invited by a couple of Bashi. They did that special type of cooking, my friend did not know anything about the chicken and I had forgotten to warn her. When we got there she took the neck and of course the head and eyes. Looking at everybody in the room, I realized something was wrong, I looked at my friend and she was having difficulties looking at her plate. I stood up, took my fork and another empty plate, I removed the neck from my friend’s plate and returned it to the side table. Only the two of us understood what had actually happened. But that taught me a great deal. I started explaining to all the leaders that if they would receive my friend in their house, to make sure there is no chicken neck with a head and eyes attached to it.
The first time I had guests of a different culture I had a couple of Americans in my house in Bujumbura. I could not understand why they would take a shower only once per day and that was before they went to sleep. It was a great mystery for me. I adjusted only when I talked to them about it and they explained their reasons.
I experienced something very embarrassing myself. The dish was of grilled shrimp but the shrimps had their shell on. I did not know what the food was, having never eaten any before. There were small baskets on the side of each plate but as I was new to the whole thing I thought that was just decoration. I attacked the shrimps with my hands after having carefully washed them. I took a bite and started chewing on the hard shell, not understanding why I had to suffer with this dish. I spat everything in the basket. To my embarrassment, my host took the shrimp and unshelled it carefully. I could not hide my embarrassment. I followed what he was doing and things went fine. But I learnt a lesson out of the whole thing; when it comes to a different culture, do not be ashamed to ask how things go and what to do in a given circumstance.
In Kinshasa/Congo, when you go to funerals your clothing has to show your grief, meaning you wear clothes you would wear for house chores and things of the like. I was shocked when in Bujumbura, Burundi. We had to go to a funeral and the requested attire was of fine clothes and women had to go to the hairdresser’s to look their best. One fellow pastor, not knowing the custom wore a t-shirt and jogging. Everyone screamed at him, he had to go put on a suit. I was shocked but I have learned my lesson. I always ask around to know how to behave. Jacqueline
Margaret says
My family (our almost 3 year old, my husband and I) have only been on The field for 11 months. I have found the women here very stand-offish in many ways. They will stand at their gate and talk to you, but they have never invited us into their homes. They will send a dinner over for us, but not invite us to eat with them. I have tried to reach out by baking extra and giving it to my neighbors, and looking for ways to bless them. They receive it well, but it’s still different than friendships I had at home. I find that there are many differences in the ways we think! I have one friend here who lives too far from me to see often. I met her on our first missions trip ten years ago, and since we’ve been here we’ve found that we have a lot in common, and I ask her a lot of questions!
Theresa says
Although the adults are somewhat stand-offish, the children certainly aren’t. We have neighborhood children at our house all the time. If anyone around here needs their ball or bicycle tire pumped up, they know where to come. We help kids with their schoolwork, work with them in skills, bake for them and have them over for game night. If we let them, a few would live here with us. This has been one way we have reached out in our area. The parents are surprised that we would have their children over and spend time with them. Hospitality has always been my ministry, and as we are reaching out to some of the adults we are seeing walls break down.