Going Home

Re-entry to our home country after years of living overseas is as important as arriving in our host country. Many of us think it will be very easy, “We are going home after all!” But it is seldom easy. The letters we received on this topic tell the personal stories of a few PWs and what helped them through the transition.

Nancy wrote:
I had just returned Stateside. It had been a long time since I had shopped in an American grocery store and I had forgotten what it was like. When I went into the store, I headed for the dairy section to get cheese. For the past three years overseas, buying cheese had not required a lot of thought. There was only one kind of cheese in the store – block cheddar. The only decision I had to make was how big of a chunk to buy. But now, to my amazement, I found myself standing in front of a whole wall of cheeses. I had to turn my head back and forth to even see all of them. There were an incredible number of varieties, sizes, and types. I was overwhelmed with the choices. As I just stood there, staring, and somewhat paralyzed by the pending decision, a clerk walked up to me and said, “Can I help you?” I replied with frustration in my voice, “I just want some plain cheese – but you have so many different ones here to choose from.” She looked at me as if I was a bit crazy. I explained my predicament to her and she kindly directed me to a block of cheddar cheese. Thus began my re-entry process to America.

Leaving home to be full-time PWs in a developing nation had been a journey of excitement for my husband and me. The Lord made the way smooth and my adaptation to my new home seemed like a totally natural process. I loved the people God had brought us to, and although every day life was more physically demanding, I quickly embraced the simpler lifestyle. However, when our three year commitment was finished, the Lord spoke to us to return home. That’s when the difficulties began. Re-entry to America was a very difficult process for me.

What were some of the issues I faced that made re-entry so challenging?

• I missed the people, lifestyle, and work I had grown to love and be part of.
• My identity and purpose seemed to have been left overseas. I wondered, “Who am I?” and “What I am going to do now?”
• There were so many changes to deal with.
• And finally, I questioned, can the “new” me fit in to what I perceived as my “old” way of life.

I longed for the friends and lifestyle that I had enjoyed so much as a PW. My world-view had been dramatically altered. I was no longer just an American, but I had also embraced some of the wonderful cultural aspects of the nation that had been my home for three years. My sense of humor had been changed, my understanding of the importance of relationships had changed, and my idea of what was important in life and work had evolved.

The good news is that God was not surprised at any of this. His patience, grace and love saw me through the re-entry process. The Lord has helped me to press ahead. He is Faithful, Faithful, Faithful.

Here are some practical thoughts that may help you in the re-entry process.

• Recognize that it might be challenging to return home. Allow yourself time to re-adjust. It is unrealistic to expect that you can go back to life the way you knew it before you went to the field. We change, other people change, and places change. Give yourself a chance to understand the changes and get used to your new surroundings. Accept that change is a good thing. It stretches us and matures us.
• Appreciate and cherish the memories of the past. Share with others all that the Lord did in and through you while you were away. Maintain contact with overseas friends, but at the same time, press ahead with the will, plan, and purpose of God. Our focus must always be forward, following Jesus.(Matthew 16:24 NKJV) “Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.”
• Determine that you will learn to love and embrace the people that you now find yourself surrounded by. No matter where we are there are people that God intends for us to love and care for. It takes time to establish new friendships. Put forth an effort to show yourself friendly.
• Draw closer to God. Your identity in Christ never changes. The work you left behind is not who you are. Your identity is defined within your relationship with Jesus. (Philippians 3:8-9 NKJV) “Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ {9} and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith;”
• Look forward to what the Lord has next for you. Be patient, He has a good plan and it will come to pass. (Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV) “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Lisa from Australia wrote:
It is easy to ‘think’ that you know and remember your passport country, culture, and language. But being away from that culture, whether for a year or 20 years, means that you are not immersed in that culture, its daily news, music, films, new ‘turns of phrase’, changes in public attitudes, laws (including road rules) and relational norms. Many PW’s return with an attitude that this ‘brave new world’ is so BAD and long for the ‘good old days’. Yes, many things have changed – for the worse. But there are things that I don’t miss from even 15 years ago: blatant sexual discrimination and smoking in the workplace, sarcastic put-downs and blatant racial prejudice. Having ‘re-entered’ from a developing country, I had to ‘relearn’ what it is to be Australian and use all those lessons from college, years ago, to learn, basically, a new language and culture. I’d encourage any PW’s re-entering to keep a positive (yet discerning) attitude to their passport culture and ‘don’t throw the baby out with the bath water’.

Debbie from Hungary wrote:
I remember well my first few furloughs back to the US and how hard they were for me–everyone seemed so spoiled, wasteful, ethno-centric, inward-focused, superficial–you get the idea! I really struggled with a bad attitude and was very critical of my fellow American Christians and their lifestyles. Then I came across this wonderful AW Tozer quote. I taped it into my day timer and now it goes with me every time I return to the States. It’s made a big difference in helping me to love and accept my friends and supporters and enjoy furloughs more. I now concentrate on how grateful I am for the people who care for us and thank the Lord for them, rather than judging or criticizing them, something that is not my place at all. I hope the same will be true if we return one day to live in the US for good.

“In this world of corruption, there is real danger that the earnest Christian may overreact in his resistance to evil and become a victim of the religious occupational disease, cynicism. The constant need to go counter to popular trend may easily develop in him a sour habit of fault-finding and turn him into a critic of other men’s manners, without charity and without love. What makes this cynical spirit particularly dangerous is that the cynic is usually right. His analyses are accurate, his judgments are correct, yet for all that he is wrong, frightfully, pathetically wrong. As a cure for the sour, faultfinding attitude, I recommend the cultivation of the habit of thanksgiving. Thanksgiving has great curative powers, and a thankful heart cannot be cynical.” (A.W. Tozer)

Marilyn, from Australia, shared a letter written to their supporters after returning to Australia.
“I believe an awareness of what to expect during re-entry is important even before the missionary leaves for the field for the very first time. Going home each furlough can then become a ‘practice landing’ for everyone for the eventual final re-entry. Even if final re-entry is planned for the distant future, it is important to work things through well ahead of time. For, as we experienced, final re-entry can, for various reasons, come suddenly and unexpectedly.”

She also included the following resources on re-entry:

• Peter Jordan, Re-entry – Making the Transition from Missions to Life at Home, YWAM Publishing, Seattle. 1992.
• Heather Perkins, Re-entry Notes- On Easing Stress for Returning Missionaries, Heather Perkins, Toowoomba, 1997
• Helen Macnaughtan, Re-entry – The homecoming Missionary, Can a sending church be a successful receiving one? Helen Macnaughtan, Sandhurst East, 2004.
• Heather Perkins, Re-entry Notes – On Easing Stress for Returning Missionaries, Heather Perkins Toowoomba, 1997.
• David Pollock, Leave Right/Enter Right is a CD for those just starting their international assignment, or experienced sojourners relocating or repatriating back to their passport culture. Hosted by the late Dr. David Pollock, viewers are guided through one of the essential steps to successfully prepare for transition to their new destination. The CD is self-guided for individual, family or small team use. Complete with a 25-minute video, ideas for use and printable worksheets, anyone around world can have personal access to this very valuable resource! Order your copy ($25 US plus shipping) by calling 719-531-6181 or emailing office@interacionintl.org or visit interactionintl.org