Most of us will experience depression sometime in our lives, but some will experience a deep depression. Being outside our home culture can delay recognizing what is wrong or make getting help difficult. Margaret got us thinking about depression as a topic for Peter’s Wife when she sent an article by Dick Innes called Overcoming Depression.
Depression can be an occupational hazard for PWs. We live outside our home culture without many of the support systems the average woman has. Lacking the feedback of friends and family we can turn a molehill into a mountain or slowly, inch-by-inch, slip into a deep depression.
We will take a look at some of the causes of depression frequently encountered by PWs.
Physical exhaustion topped my list early in our time in Malaysia. I tried to keep my tropical house like I had kept my American house. With windows always open and fans on, my battle with dust and grit was never ending. Shopping, cooking, washing and ironing all took more energy than at home. Hiring a local woman for two mornings a week freed countless hours and energy for the jobs I really needed to be doing. As my exhaustion decreased, my mood improved.
On the other extreme is lack of exercise which, just as surely leads to depression. After trying to take a brisk walk in Africa the local pastor said, “Sister, this just will not do. You have everyone worried and upset. They cannot finish their chores while they worry over why you are rushing around in circles. Please, for everyone’s peace of mind, go home and don’t do this any more.” So ended my brisk walks for exercise. Many of you, for a variety of reasons cannot exercise as you did at home. See if there is any type of athletic club you can join. Many of these are quite reasonable. Especially in the tropics it is hard to make yourself get proper exercise, but for your mental health you must find a way.
Chemical imbalances from simple pre-menstrual stress to thyroid problems cause depression. After the birth of a baby and when menopause nears, we can have hormone imbalances that cause mild to serious depression. The next time you have the opportunity to have a thorough medical check up, make the appointment and keep it. Treatment is simple and usually fairly inexpensive.
Emotions can cause depression. Lacking meaningful work and worthwhile goals, not using one’s abilities, unmet needs and unfulfilled dreams can all happen to PWs. Usually our husband has been called to the work he is doing overseas. We, however, may be there only because we are his wife. Keeping a home and raising a family in another culture may not seem like meaningful work and worthwhile goals. But we must know the truth. Raising our children to love God is our highest calling during that stage of our lives. When our children are away at school or married, God will give us new dreams and goals to fulfill. Knowing our time of life and being content with where we are leads to joy.
“Faulty thinking is another cause of depression,” says Dick Innes. “Many counselors believe that feelings follow thoughts. That is, negative feelings follow negative thoughts while positive feelings follow positive thoughts. While we may not have control over many of life’s circumstances, we do have control of our thinking.” I have been reading the best-selling book called, Feeling Good by David D. Burns, M.D. If you are dealing with depression or anxiety problems, get this very helpful book. Reading it on your own and following his clear directions can turn your life around without the use of medications.
Last, but certainly not least, are spiritual causes. Unresolved guilt, rejecting God’s call to follow Him, or resisting His will can also cause miserable depression. Jim McNutt in From a Single Journey tells us to “Talk to God. Tell Him where you are in your thinking and feeling. Pour out your inner fears and anger to Him. Talk to Him all day long–He’s listening with concern.” This is such good advice. Sometimes when we are depressed and angry with God it is hard to make the first step. Maybe writing a journal to God would make it easier to start. Run to Him and pour out your heart. He knows how to heal the broken hearted.
There is so much more to say on this topic. But my hope is that you will not suffer alone. If you are hurting and need help, please write to Diane
Jim McNutt says
Depression is Real
L I V E I T — Today’s best advice from Christian books. –http://liveit.crosswalk.com/
If your problem is feeling sorry for yourself, you’re not alone. Abraham Lincoln frequently dreamed of seeing his own coffin. Vincent van Gogh cut off his ear during a fit of despair just before Christmas 1888. Winston Churchill called depression the black dog. It shadowed him though life and finally immobilized him during his last years. Depression seems to be endemic in contemporary America. In fact it’s the leading form of mental illness and is a health problem ranked as serious as diabetes and leukemia.
Symptoms of severe depression:
Loss of hope. You feel like there is no future worth striving toward. Despair and sadness seeps into your body. Your outlook is totally pessimistic.
Loss of self-esteem. You perceive yourself a failure – to family, friends, and God.
Difficulty handling emotions. Tears, fear, anger overwhelm you, coming without warning for even the smallest incidents.
Desire to escape problems. There is a great yearning to put distance between you and your problem, trying to escape the circumstances that have conspired so unjustly against you.
Loss of perspective. Losses, real and imagined, seriously distort your way of perceiving things. Your thinking becomes twisted and everything you see, hear, and do points to your failure.
Change in eating and sleeping habits. Some people go on an eating binge, some stop eating. Sleep can be fitful or very lengthy but not awaking refreshed.
Withdrawal from others. As depression sinks in, you no longer want to be around people, cancel activities, and don’t return phone calls. Misery doesn’t love company.
Guilt. Usually it is partly imagined, and partly real. Either way it can tear at your heart.
Suicidal thoughts. Elijah called out, I have had enough. Lord, take my life (1 Kings 19:4). Depression ultimately offers no hope.
Rx for depression:
Talk to God. Tell Him where you are in your thinking and feeling. Pour out your inner fears and anger to Him. Talk to him all day long – He’s listening with concern.
Accept help. Be open to receiving nourishment and sustenance from God’s messengers: this might include friends who can share your load for a season and minister God’s healing touch. Be open to help from professionals: doctors, psychologists, counselors.
Eat the food that will restore your physical strength. Force yourself to eat healthy foods and avoid the use of alcohol or drugs to drown out your problems.
Rest your body. Do only what is essential in your schedule. Sleep. This will help you to be more clear in your thinking.
Don’t be afraid to go through the normal human process of grieving for your loss. As you do, listen for the gentle whisper of God. Allow that assuring, calm voice to restore your hope and your perspective. He can lead you to a new focus away from self and circumstances to a sovereign God and the meaningful future He’s planned for you.
Jim McNutt has been a pastor and missionary in the United States and Brazil, and has ministered to singles for over 25 years. He and his wife, Julie, have five children and live in Boise, Idaho. From A Single Journey, (c) 1998 by James McNutt. Published by Servant Publications, Box 8617, Ann Arbor, Michigan, 48107. Used with permission.
Johanna Botari says
What Not to Say to Someone in Depression
* “Oh, cheer up!”
* “Its all in your head” (it IS, we KNOW that, it is still there).
* “You just want to be like this/you don’t want to change.” (Not true, and not helpful if it were).
* “If you would just try….” (we probably have).
* “Just think of happy things!” (There are none from in here)
* “Quit complaining, your life isn’t so bad”. (We probably know that too, but it still feels that way. Variants of this are, “Everyone goes through it”, “its nothing unusual”, and “you’re not that special/peculiar/badly off/whatever”. Now, think about saying this to a person who already feels her life is worthless. THINK. What does it accomplish to take away the last bit of identity she may have, even if it is the idea that she may be uniquely miserable?)
* “Oh, I know just what you mean …” and launch into your own monologue on how awful YOUR life is. (Thereby not helping in the least and making someone feel worse for having bothered you with her troubles. People with depression often are deeply concerned about and sensitive to other people’s feelings, they just cannot cope in a way to express that).
* “Remember, I’m always there for you.” Unless it is not a lie. This statement is by default a lie, unless you are the conjoined twin of the person who is depressed, or are some extremist performance artist who has permanently welded your body pieces together with this person, or you are espoused or in some manner deeply committed to this person, and the latter doesn’t count until such a time as you are marking anniversaries with double-digit numbers in which the leading digit is not a 1. Sometimes not even then. If you DO say this, there is a very high probability that it will come back to bite you.
* “Awww, somebody needs a hug!” This is condescending at best, and may prompt a person who is depressed to violent action, and you would likely be the nearest target other than herself. A person’s brain chemistry is completely upset, it likely has been for years. What makes you think a quick hug from you will fix it?
* “WHY??!?!???” Don’t ask your friend “why?”. Don’t ask her to explain herself to you. No, you don’t understand, and she won’t be able to explain it to you. Nor is she in any state to. She has her hands full with her own problems, so don’t make her responsible for making YOU feel better too. Maybe later. Maybe some other time. Maybe not.
* “You’ll get over it.” Many don’t, until they’re being carried over it in a pine box to be dropped in a hole. Many more are concerned or convinced that they cannot get over it. Are you omniscient and clairvoyant, to tell them otherwise? Despite being meant well, and I do know that they are meant well, any of the above and anything similar might be the last thing a person who is depressed wants to hear, and it might be the last thing that pushes her off the edge. You are dealing with a person who lives in depths of emotional incoherence that I doubt you can imagine without going through it (and if you’ve gone or are going through it, you certainly don’t need to be reading this).
WHATEVER YOU SAY, THINK LONG AND HARD FIRST
Exerpt from: Things NOT to Say to a Depressed Friend by Johanna Botari, 1996. With and for Alison G. Please copy, print, redistribute freely, anything you wish, for no profit or cost, with this small copyright intact.