Single Women

Must Singles be Lonely?

It was a frigid February morning as I arose and watched my breath hanging in the air before my eyes. I knew today’s priority had to be finding kerosene to heat my apartment. Oil delivery to Armenia had been limited this winter making kerosene purchases an exhausting hide-n-seek game. As I ate my chilly goat cheese and flatbread a host of thoughts joined me at the breakfast table; I really don’t like eating alone. Does anyone know my struggle? What if I freeze to death? Must I always be brave? Why do I have to do this alone? Who can help me? Where are my students when I need them? Why don’t I have a husband? Why won’t Thomas ask me out? Suddenly I was astounded at how a simple lack of kerosene led to utter loneliness and sadness.

Serving single on the foreign field has numerous benefits of ease, simplicity, flexibility, time and exciting adventurous possibilities. Singles tend to learn new languages, develop national friends and adapt to culture, more quickly and smoothly. Housing and travel options tend to be greater and expenses fewer.

But as in most things in life many pluses often include minuses. The solo servant needs to be aware of and prepared for periods of emotional and spiritual loneliness. I believe for many of us single workers, loneliness is not a constant state of being but more a feeling which comes in seasons and waves.

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Icing on the Cake

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Single, yet called! It is a dilemma for many women working cross culturally. It would be nice to say, “God has a husband for each one so they can be safer and less lonely.” But that fits our romantic ideas more than it does reality. Over the centuries many single women have been among the pioneers in many hard places. We know that God sets the solitary in families, but it isn’t always with a husband, but rather a family of His choosing. Single women serving God model commitment, obedience, hard work, and contentment. They encourage all of us.

Shanna, one single-minded servant of God, wrote her story to share this month.

Before making the decision to become a single cross cultural worker, I first gave up my belief that I had to get married. I even went so far as to say that I’d never marry a national, and the Lord must want me to remain single, as He was sending me to a far-away country with no husband. I decided to let the Lord be enough for me. And He is.

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Challenges of Single Women

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Allyson shared the results of her survey of single women(SW) serving or preparing to serve overseas. Many who read Peter’s Wife could benefit from these insights. The largest group are the wives and mothers who are serving overseas with SW on their team. They can probably do the most to help SW with their particular struggles. Agency directors may not be aware of some of the special stresses single women on the field face and what they could do to help. And finally there are some from home churches who could do much to help SW serving overseas.

Many of the problems that the SW mentioned are common to anyone serving outside their culture. The lack of communication with people at home, the glazed over looks when we share our stories, the expectation that those serving overseas need much less money to live on and really should live on a lower standard than others, and the fear of loss of support when we are “out of sight.”

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Ishi, My Husband

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From Fineke

I am originally from Holland. For the last 12 1/2 years I have been working in Bolivia, with addicted men, prisoners, streetgangs, and founding and directing of a house for addicted teenagers and will open a house for addicted girls – all run with wonderful national staff.

My walk with the Lord began when, at the age of 22 years, I received Jesus as my Savior in ’78. I was a hurt and broken person who needed the Lord to sort out many things. In those early days I remember once disputing with the Lord about being alone. I asked Him, “But Lord, what if it’s a nice Christian man?” The Lord asked me in return, “And what if I’d rather have you alone?” You might imagine I cried, but in the end told the Lord that I was prepared to accept His preference if He insisted.

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