Life–Cross culturally

What We Have Learned

This month I wanted to do something different. My husband and I came up with the following list of things we have learned. Some are from our time in Africa and SE Asia, some are from our family, and some are general lessons we’ve learned. Enjoy reading our list. I’m sure you have your own list of lessons you’ve learned.

We have learned that homesickness will go away if you don’t entertain it.
We have learned that most people will love you if you let them.
We have learned that soup can be spicy without being red.
We have learned that Korean candy doesn’t taste half as good as it looks.
We have learned that marriage is like a garden. It flourishes if you take care of it and dies if you don’t.
We have learned that a good cup of hot tea is better therapy than two hours with any psychiatrist. The same is true of sunrises, sunsets, cool breezes and true friends.
We have learned that when your wife is better than you at details, it’s better to let her do them.
We have learned that when your husband is better at directions, it’s better to go the way he says.
We have learned that American saltine crackers are poor, wimpy imitations of British cream crackers.
We have learned that most mistakes are not fatal if you are honest about them.
We have learned that if you take the time, the classics are really worth it.
We have learned that Bach is better brain food than rock.
We have learned that the gift of a teddy bear can make a grown woman smile.
We have learned that it is useless to choose an airline on the basis of the food they serve. It’s all the brown stuff or the white stuff and rubber omelets.
We have learned that PMS is neither permanent nor fatal. It just seems like it at the time.
We have learned that America is not the center of the world, that other cultures have riches to bestow on us and that God’s love looks great on any face.
We have learned that in the tropics you choose your seat by its proximity to the fan.
We have learned that when they tell you not to drink the water, they really mean it.
We have learned that the good relationships grow richer with time, like vegetable soup simmering slowly.
We have learned that good friendship can instantly pick up where it left off, like a CD when you push the play button.
We have learned that rest is neither sin nor weakness, but a God-created necessity.
We have learned that durian (an Asian fruit) and blue cheese have this in common, they both smell bad to those who don’t like them and great to those who do. The same with people.
We have learned that it is best to cross the street the way the locals do. They know which way to look, when to wait, and when you better go.
We have learned that wilderness companions are seldom who you expected.

Leave and Cleave

This morning I read this article from Today’s Christian Woman, Leaving and Cleaving. Steve Mesmer wrote the article to help couples successfully leave the family they grew up in. Many couples don’t fully leave their family of origin because they carry patterns of behavior and roles they played into their marriage. His article gives some very good insights into discovering areas that we need to leave in order to properly cleave to our husband.

I thought many of the insights Steve Mesmer mentioned could also apply to our leaving our home culture and adapting to our new one. When we discover a pattern of behavior, an insecurity, or a role we play in groups that just won’t fit with our current situation, it may pay us to see if there is some ‘leaving’ we need to do. The family we grew up in (family of origin) or even the relationships we built while preparing from the field, may actually be hindering us from finding our God-given place on our field of service.

Here’s a snippet from the article.

“The family you grew up in is your family of origin. And from your family of origin you learn how to see yourself, others, and God. Your early experiences, daily routines, and unique family structure shape your relating patterns and beliefs about how life and relationships work. These formative early years shape and mold our answers to critical questions like: Is the world a safe place? Are people basically trustworthy? Am I loved for who I am or for what I do? Can I make a mistake and still experience being valued? Will someone be there for me when I call? These and many similar critical questions get answered by your family of origin. The answers to these questions then shape your personality, your view of relationships, your insecurities, how you experience love, and how you approach life.

“In addition to shaping our relational landscape, your family of origin also created a role for you to play. The roles you played in your family of origin always show up and influence your relationships today—especially your marriage relationship. Your family of origin has a powerful influence on your development!”
To read the whole article go to: Leaving and Cleaving

Find Us Faithful

On Sunday evening, a few friends invited about 25 pastors from our area to a dinner in honor of our 30 years of service to our adopted country. What a lovely time we had!

It was an opportunity for friends from our different circles to meet each other and start some friendships. We shared great food and caught up on each others’ lives. We told our story of the miraculous way we came to this country. It was a huge witness to the owner of the restaurant who is getting closer to opening the door of her heart.

A good friend sang a song, the highlight of the evening. Since the room was filled with true pastors, the words echoed in all of our hearts.

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As the Deer

Sue Eenigenburg just published another book, More Screams, Different Deserts – Joy and Perseverance for Women in Cross-Cultural Ministry. Thank you, Sue, for sharing one of your stories with us this month. See the end of this email for how to order this book for yourself or a friend. — Diane, Editor

For me, becoming a cross-cultural worker was a lot like a trip I took as a child to a deer-petting farm. While growing up, I would get several new outfits whenever my family would take a vacation. One year I got a cute little short set with a blue top that had layers of ruffles. That year one of our stops was a deer-petting farm. They gave us a package of what looked like graham crackers and told us to keep moving as we fed the deer. I enjoyed walking among these beautiful creatures and feeding them. Soon I ran out of food and, at the same time, I forgot to keep moving.

The deer gathered around and, before I knew what was happening, they had begun to eat my shirt. I watched with alarm layer after layer of ruffles disappearing. I remember standing there calling for help and probably crying, unsure of what to do as my decorative ruffles were being eaten away. I think it was my sister who came over, got me moving again, and shooed all the deer away.

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Please, No Running Allowed!

This month my husband and I are traveling back to the States for two months. Nairy Ohanian has sent an encouraging, strengthening word for all of us who are serving overseas.

Blessings!
Diane
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Please, No Running Allowed!

Remember watching a baby learning to stand? Hesitantly he grasps any steady object beside him and laboriously pulls his weight up to a vertical position. Wobbly and clumsily, baby slowly lets go of the props and in wonder, attempts to stand all on his own. Those watching this exciting ordeal hold their breath to see just how long the wobbly baby can stand before tumbling down like a tower of blocks. Upon falling to the ground, he gathers his courage and tries again, hoping to remain vertical just a few seconds longer than before. After endless hours of practice, standing becomes second nature and then walking becomes the next life hurdle to master. But standing tall and firm is the key to any further action. As adults, standing is an essential aspect of our spiritual lives as well.

One of the most well known passages concerning standing is in Ephesians 6:10-15 and the armor of God.

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.”

Recently, my pastor preached on the armor of God and shed some fascinating insight into the armor covering the feet. The footwear was no ordinary Roman sandal but a leather half-boot strapped to the ankles. They had exceptionally thick soles, heavily studded with nails. As you can imagine it was nearly impossible to run with such footwear. Even if the soldier attempted to run, he would falter and fall with such thick and rugged soles. But the half- boots were perfect for planting his feet resolutely in the ground, and remaining balanced for fighting or to advance firmly without stumbling. Further, these half-boots were designed to bring him comfort as well as stability. Paul calls these cleated half-boots the readiness given by the Gospel of Peace. Readiness implies firmness, and peace helps us to keep our ground (Rev. Curtis J. Young, Maryland, 7/6/13).
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