helping women connect with their world
“When I’m Not Good Enough.” That was the title of a devotional I read recently. The writer described how that theme ran through all her life, defining her. “I’m not good enough.”
Like her, and probably you, I have had my own battles with doubting myself and my abilities. I’m a first born. Maybe that explains, in part, why I have set impossible standards for myself.
OK, so you want to hear some of my, ‘I’m not good enough’ experiences?
It’s Monday morning and I am tired. Not just the normal tired, but tired clear to the inside. I was not doing anything overly active this last weekend. I didn’t try to climb a mountain or run a marathon. I was just helping to lead a church family camp.
Is there something wrong with me? Am I ill? Am I unspiritual? Am I carrying unnecessary burdens?
Have you ever felt this way? Of course you have. Who am I talking to! Wives, mothers, cross cultural workers. Are we doing something wrong? Is God being mean to us, giving us too much to do in too little time? The enemy would like us to think so.
His goal is make us ineffective in any way possible. Sometimes he just takes advantage of our physical weakness, adding depression to physical exhaustion. Sometimes he plays on our own unrealistic expectations, nudging us to think we are somehow deficient servants of the Most High God. And sometimes he accuses God to us. He tries the same lying tactics he used with Eve, hoping we will turn our backs on God because He is a hard task master. “Any boss is better than this boss,” he whispers.
My husband and I lead a Marriage Support Group for a young church. Since the group is called MSG (like the flavor enhancer), the members started choosing food related names for themselves. We had Mr. Peanut Butter and Miss Strawberry Jam; Salt and Pepper; Ms Tomato and Mr. Red Hot Chili Pepper; Mr. and Mrs. Pumpkin; and Mr Durian (a stinky local fruit) and his wife, Pineapple. My husband was The Chef and they called me the Queen of Flavor. With a set-up like that, you know it’s bound to be fun.
Mike played a video of the old Hank Williams’ song, Hey, Good Lookin’ Whatcha Got Cookin’, then led us into a good discussion of the importance of humor in marriage. We had a great time.
So what does this have to do with living and working overseas? Just this. We can become so wrapped up in our work or so tired or so frustrated with how hard it is to live day-to-day, that we forget how delightful life is supposed to be. Maybe this article can be a wake up call to those who have misplaced their funny bone or forgotten how to laugh.
Women from every culture and every age have asked that question. Am I the ONLY one? I think because we are scattered around the world and may not see others like ourselves very often, we may be prone to ask this question more often than our sisters at home.
The list could go on and on. Many of the ways we feel like we are the only one, are things that are common to womanhood. But we don’t hear others talk about them. Other expat team members may have gone through that particular loneliness, but it never comes up in conversation. So you don’t know that they felt that way too. The local women don’t talk about these feelings of aloneness to you. They think you would never understand. So we go on, day after day with an aching aloneness that could be comforted if we would open up and risk being vulnerable. [Read more…]
