Peter's Wife

My Husband My Friend

I wonder how many of my readers knew, when they married their husbands, that one day they would be living and serving in a different culture. We knew how to love our husbands in our home context, but how do we love our husbands in this context? So much has changed. He has days so filled with toil that he barely drags in the door. Other days he is flying high, filled with the joy of fulfilled dreams. How do I love this guy in this place?

Paul the Apostle wrote an honest, instructive letter to his young friend and co-worker, Titus. At the time Titus was a pastor serving in a morally confused and degraded culture. Part of Paul’s straight-forward counsel had to do with the behavior of the more mature women in the church. They needed to be reverent, not slanderous, not addicted to any substance, and capable of teaching what is good. Then he gives his reason:

‘Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children.’
Titus 2:4 NIVUK

I always assumed that the word for love in this verse was agape, or covenant love. That seemed to imply a duty to love. But the Greek word is philandros, a word that carries a feeling of friendship for the man you married. Both are great words. And both, along with eros, a word that often describes sexual love, have importance for a healthy marriage.

As PW’s we need to remember that even though our husbands might be doing heroic or sacrificial deeds, and even though we might be just as involved, our husbands need our love in all its dimensions. For now, I want us to remember the importance of being our husband’s loving friend. [Read more…]

Sacrifice?

Married in Mission

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couple-talking-outside In this Peter’s Wife, I want to introduce you to an excellent resource. I have been reading Married in Mission by Alexis C. Kenny. It is a comprehensive, practical, and useful resource for everyone, especially married people, serving outside their home culture.

Alexis has divided her book according to the periods of time, or stages, involved in serving cross-culturally. She takes the reader through the various stages of our calling: discerning our calling, preparation, life abroad, and finally re-entry and integration back to the home culture. In all of the stages, her focus is how cross-cultural experience affects the marriage.

There is no way I can summarize this excellent book. But for this month, I will focus on some of the stresses of beginning cross-cultural life and suggestions on ways to deal with these. Although some of my readers are veterans, perhaps Alexis’ book will provide some help for those you are mentoring.

Enculturation
When we first arrive in a new culture, we don’t know how the locals act and what their behavior means and what is expected of us in return. There is real stress as we observe, come to understand, and accept our new social cues. The key here is openness, not isolation. When we share what we’ve learned with our family, and even share our personal struggles it can help everyone feel more comfortable in the new culture. My husband and I wish that we had done that more with our own sons. Looking back, we sometimes wonder how they actually experienced Africa and Malaysia.

Grief and Loss
No, we are not talking about a death in the family. But as all of us know, we do feel grief and loss when we leave our comfortable world of meaningful relationships and established roles. Each member of the family handles their grief differently using various types of coping mechanisms. So we need sensitivity to our spouse’s grief over the losses they are experiencing. That helps them, and us, to move on in a healthy manner. [Read more…]

Married in Mission

Patient Endurance

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Sand Passing Through The Bulbs Of An Hourglass Wait! Don’t stop reading yet, even though my title may move you to that action.

If you are like me, patience and its twin, perseverance, are some of your least favorite topics. We’ve been told, “Don’t pray for patience, because you will have to learn it the hard way.” But whether we pray for patience or not, successful lives are full of waiting.

My mother used to say that a woman’s life, especially, is full of waiting. We wait for someone to love us and ask to marry us. We wait for the wedding. We wait to get pregnant and then wait for the baby to be born. Then our waiting really starts! We wait for him to walk, and talk, and learn to use the toilet. We wait for her to go to school, then college, then begin her adult life. The waiting never seems to end, though our endurance feels like it might.

As cross cultural workers we wait, too. We wait to be approved. We wait while raising our support. Then we wait to go to our assignment. Language training means more patient endurance. Then, when we finally get into the reality of our work, we wait for the fruit of our labors.

[Read more…]