Peter's Wife

MK Challenges

The inspiration for this article is from the book, Letters Missionaries Never Write by Frederick L. Kosin. If you can get the book, I recommend it to you.

The letter that intrigued me was from a young adult MK. She talked about many of her feelings and thoughts about moving from her home country to the field, attending boarding school, and returning to her home country for college. I recognized many of the scenarios from my children’s time overseas, and then back in their home culture. At first I planned to share her insights in this newsletter. But instead, I decided to address moms of MKs. My purpose is simple: I want to encourage you to hear your own kids and respond to their particular thoughts about this global nomad life.

Going Out

The first feeling this young woman mentioned was that she had no choice about becoming an MK. She said her parents did a lot right. They discussed the decision carefully, and talked to her and the other children about the place they would go. She was excited at first, but later cried herself to sleep with grief about losing her friends. It became so bad she wished she could die and go to heaven since that would be better. I wonder if we, as parents, ever fully understand how our children, at their ages, experience our responses to the will of God.

Our children don’t have a choice about being MKs, or military brats, or inner city kids, or doctor’s kids. No child chooses their parents’ career. Our MKs are not unusual in that. Even so, we should do everything we can to help our kids have the best life they can within the limits of our calling. We should try to teach them how to get the most out of the life they have been given. But we should not feel guilty that they did not have a choice about the type of life they grow up in.

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A Sure Foundation

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Is your heart heavy today? Have you heard more bad news that you feel like you can handle?

We hear the same bad news as everyone around the world: wars, political intrigue, natural disasters, illness, divorce, and broken lives.

But living overseas, we also hear things that trouble us about where we are, and that may affect what we are doing. We would share the burden with our family and supporters back home, but we know they couldn’t understand why we are so troubled by it. They mean well, but it is just too far from their experience to understand. So, we send general prayer pointers while carrying the heavy specifics in our hearts.

The Foundation of God’s Presence
This is surely the time for comfort from Isaiah 33.6-

“He [God] will be the sure foundation of your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure.”

Reminding ourselves, and others, to turn to God in these times is not like giving a placebo. When administering a placebo, we may say, “This is a miracle pill, it will surely help you.” We know it is just a bitter pill with no power of its own to help. But, maybe if the person believes enough, it may help.

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My Husband My Friend

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I wonder how many of my readers knew, when they married their husbands, that one day they would be living and serving in a different culture. We knew how to love our husbands in our home context, but how do we love our husbands in this context? So much has changed. He has days so filled with toil that he barely drags in the door. Other days he is flying high, filled with the joy of fulfilled dreams. How do I love this guy in this place?

Paul the Apostle wrote an honest, instructive letter to his young friend and co-worker, Titus. At the time Titus was a pastor serving in a morally confused and degraded culture. Part of Paul’s straight-forward counsel had to do with the behavior of the more mature women in the church. They needed to be reverent, not slanderous, not addicted to any substance, and capable of teaching what is good. Then he gives his reason:

‘Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children.’
Titus 2:4 NIVUK

I always assumed that the word for love in this verse was agape, or covenant love. That seemed to imply a duty to love. But the Greek word is philandros, a word that carries a feeling of friendship for the man you married. Both are great words. And both, along with eros, a word that often describes sexual love, have importance for a healthy marriage.

As PW’s we need to remember that even though our husbands might be doing heroic or sacrificial deeds, and even though we might be just as involved, our husbands need our love in all its dimensions. For now, I want us to remember the importance of being our husband’s loving friend. [Read more…]

Sacrifice?

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We’re on a short home visit to the US. When we come to America we live in a small town of 5000 people. This year we’ve met lots of new neighbors as we’ve attended to the necessary details and repairs to our car and home. When we tell them what we do overseas, some have said, “Thank you for your sacrifice.” We usually say something like, “We really love what we are doing.”

But in my mind I say, “Sacrifice? What sacrifice? We live in a nice condo with manicured gardens. We live in a modern city where we can buy almost anything we want and all we need. The common language is English. Even if I lived in the States I probably wouldn’t get to see my kids and grandkids more often than I do while serving overseas.”

In the light of what many of my PW sisters face, I really don’t feel very sacrificial. But then, is that really the issue? Does living in the bush and reading by candlelight really please God more? Is living through a civil war or being deported because of beliefs the measure of commitment?

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Married in Mission

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couple-talking-outside In this Peter’s Wife, I want to introduce you to an excellent resource. I have been reading Married in Mission by Alexis C. Kenny. It is a comprehensive, practical, and useful resource for everyone, especially married people, serving outside their home culture.

Alexis has divided her book according to the periods of time, or stages, involved in serving cross-culturally. She takes the reader through the various stages of our calling: discerning our calling, preparation, life abroad, and finally re-entry and integration back to the home culture. In all of the stages, her focus is how cross-cultural experience affects the marriage.

There is no way I can summarize this excellent book. But for this month, I will focus on some of the stresses of beginning cross-cultural life and suggestions on ways to deal with these. Although some of my readers are veterans, perhaps Alexis’ book will provide some help for those you are mentoring.

Enculturation
When we first arrive in a new culture, we don’t know how the locals act and what their behavior means and what is expected of us in return. There is real stress as we observe, come to understand, and accept our new social cues. The key here is openness, not isolation. When we share what we’ve learned with our family, and even share our personal struggles it can help everyone feel more comfortable in the new culture. My husband and I wish that we had done that more with our own sons. Looking back, we sometimes wonder how they actually experienced Africa and Malaysia.

Grief and Loss
No, we are not talking about a death in the family. But as all of us know, we do feel grief and loss when we leave our comfortable world of meaningful relationships and established roles. Each member of the family handles their grief differently using various types of coping mechanisms. So we need sensitivity to our spouse’s grief over the losses they are experiencing. That helps them, and us, to move on in a healthy manner. [Read more…]