Ways to be a good hostess to nationals "We find that people here are more comfortable if we serve their food rather than ours. It pleases them that we know their food and enjoy it, and then they don't have to worry about what to do if they don't like it. We find that our people groups are very un-adventursome when it comes to eating! If we serve a dish from our home country, we make it a side dish that they can just taste, or we serve a dessert, which usually is a big hit. Pizza, however, is the exception. It has become familiar and is a special 'American' treat. "Another thought is that we should pay attention to the WAY food is served in our adopted culture and follow that way, so our guests will be comfortable. Faced with strange place settings (teaspoons, napkins, table knives) if they are used to using only a spoon, or fingers or some other combination can make the most familiar food become scary. New table arrangements (chairs arranged If the choice is between their feeling comfortable or our feeling comfortable, hospitality votes on the side of the guests. around a table, placemats, table clothes, men and women together) can make people very uncomfortable if they are used to dividing by gender,sitting around the room or standing or sitting on the floor. If the choice is between their feeling comfortable or our feeling comfortable, hospitality votes on the side of the guests. This is probably a given, but I thought I would mention it." Luanne "I keep a guest book and the guests find it interesting to read who has slept in the same bed as they have! As I work full-time at a ministry, and has a 10 year old still at home, I have found that not "over hosting" makes it work for host and guests. I put out breakfast food and every one eats as they want, and we only have a sit-down dinner together. We share our individual schedules with one another, so there are no "surprises" or unrealisitc expectations. "As I have been a host and guest many times in the past, I try to remember how I felt as a guest: I really get embarrassed when the hosts give up their own bedroom, so will not do it to my guests. When I am a guest I want to feel I contribute something, so when my guest asks if he/she can help, I ask them to strip the bed when they leave, as that will be a help to me! Amazing how that small job seems to make them feel they are assisting." Celeste "I've invited nationals to our home on many occasions. At first, I didn't know how to host them as our ways are quite different from theirs. I found that they appreciated us to be natural with them, prepare some of our national foods for them. People are people after all and they just want relationship." Lea Hostess Bloopers "People from the western side of Democratic Republic of Congo (I am talking of the Bashi) have a special way of welcoming guests. They would give them unsweetened yogurt and then cook a chicken for them. The unusual thing about the chicken is that they would cook the whole bird, with intestines tied to the feet, and the neck would keep the head and the eyes. I have a special friend I like very much, she is American and we were invited by a couple of Bashi. They did that special type of cooking, my friend did not know anything about the chicken and I had forgotten to warn her. When we got there she took the neck and of course the head and eyes. Looking at everybody in the room, I realized something was wrong, I looked at my friend and she was having difficulties looking at her plate. I stood up, took my fork and another empty plate, I removed the neck from my friend's plate and returned it to the side table. Only the two of us understood what had actually happened. But that taught me a great deal. I started explaining to all the leaders that if they would receive my friend in their house, to make sure there is no chicken neck with a head and eyes attached to it. Jacqueline I made a roast one evening for a couple of our leaders. When I took the roast out of the pan and was transferring it from one pan to the next for cutting, it fell and bounced all the way into the living room - right in front of my guests! We all had a good laugh. I then cleaned it off and baked it some more before we ate it. Lea Hostessing Problems My family (our almost 3 year old, my husband and I) have only been on The field for 11 months. I have found the women here very stand-offish in many ways. They will stand at their gate and talk to you, but they have never invited us into their homes. They will send a dinner over for us, but not invite us to eat with them. I have tried to reach out by baking extra and giving it to my neighbors, and looking for ways to bless them. They receive it well, but it's still different than friendships I had at home. I find that there are many differences in the ways we think! I have one friend here who lives too far from me to see often. I met her on our first missions trip ten years ago, and since we've been here we've found that we have a lot in common, and I ask her a lot of questions! Margaret Children in Your Home Although the adults are somewhat stand-offish, the children certainly aren't. We have neighborhood children at our house all the time. If anyone around here needs their ball or bicycle tire pumped up, they know where to come. We help kids with their schoolwork, work with them in skills, bake for them and have them over for game night. If we let them, a few would live here with us. This has been one way we have reached out in our area. The parents are surprised that we would have their children over and spend time with them. Hospitality has always been my ministry, and as we are reaching out to some of the adults we are seeing walls break down. Theresa Our young son loves all the stories different people from various countries share, and as a family we feel enriched. Celeste Being Guests Overseas The first time I had guests of a different culture I had a couple of Americans in my house in Bujumbura. I could not understand why they would take a shower only once per day and that was before they went to sleep. It was a great mystery for me. I adjusted only when I talked to them about it and they explained their reasons. I experienced something very embarrassing myself. The dish was of grilled shrimp but the shrimps had their shell on. I did not know what the food was, having never eaten any before. There were small baskets on the side of each plate but as I was new to the whole thing I thought that was just decoration. I attacked the shrimps with my hands after having carefully washed them. I took a bite and started chewing on the hard shell, not understanding why I had to suffer with this dish. I spat everything in the basket. To my embarrassment, my host took the shrimp and unshelled it carefully. I could not hide my embarrassment. I followed what he was doing and things went fine. But I learnt a lesson out of the whole thing; when it comes to a different culture, do not be ashamed to ask how things go and what to do in a given circumstance. In Kinshasa/Congo, when you go to funerals your clothing has to show your grief, meaning you wear clothes you would wear for house chores and things of the like. I was shocked when in Bujumbura, Burundi. We had to go to a funeral and the requested attire was of fine clothes and women had to go to the hairdresser's to look their best. One fellow pastor, not knowing the custom wore a t-shirt and jogging. Everyone screamed at him, he had to go put on a suit. I was shocked but I have learned my lesson. I always ask around to know how to behave. Jacqueline I've learned how important it is to receive all things with thankfulness. When invited, it is very important to accept that invitation and eat what has been prepared - as with women everywhere, the ladies love to be asked to explain how they have made a given dish. Lea To see the original letter about hospitality, see Hospitality